"currently battling with my dear friend, the Silverstripe CMS" - 18 hours ago
"is thoroughly relaxed at another Irish farmhouse B&B, this time one run by a character and a half, Sharon Moore.... http://fb.me/Fd1zVe5z" - 1 day ago
"Is this the Nellie bunker you were talking about mate? Safely avoided I'm pleased to report http://fb.me/EHAvCmyU" - 2 days ago
People warned us about this place. “Don’t go to Galloway in the summer”, they cautioned. “Those horse flies will drive you around the bend – and take a few pints of blood while they’re at it...” Sure. How bad could they be? Galloway National had been billed as a genuinely top tier course too, so we thought any hardship in batting away the bugs would be merited. Which it was. But those God forsaken creatures will forever be etched in my memory as Satan’s Spawn. Avoid the sods at all costs.
For once our drive to the course was sub 30 minutes, since we had the luxury of staying at The Lodge at Hidden Creek last night (courtesy of our man John “Slambino” Sabino). In the common room John and Chris sniggered at the fact we had to go play golf; “you got a hat one today boys...”. 100 degrees and 140 per cent humidity, or so it felt. Walking out onto the deck felt like walking into a wet oven. A pressure cooker. Not the ideal weather for a bijou stroll, and certainly not the ideal conditions if we were hoping to avoid Satan’s Spawn down the road. But what can you do?
Galloway’s near Atlantic City – the only other place you can gamble in the US, other than Vegas. I forget how conservative the US is compared to back home, where gambling is all but encouraged. I sense prostitution may not be legalised up here as it is Down There for some time... Politics however is not the preserve of this blog: golf is. Golf and All Things Golf that is. And whatever else you good people want or demand, within reason.
Jack Hubbert – an attorney from Philly who also sits on the board of the local First Tee chapter – kindly invited us down for a game. Jack’s a tremendously laid back, affable kind of bloke (so laid back that he plays golf in sneakers if it's dry), for whom there can be no troubles in life. Because he’s such a good golfer he doesn’t appear to have to cope with the stress of bad golf either. Wouldn’t that be nice? Last night Jack flicked me an email suggesting I bring pants for the first 5 holes – which border the salt marshes home to Satan’s Spawn – and change if necessary on the 6th tee. It was too late; I’d already packed; and we were down the road at Hidden Creek.
Wearing shorts on those first few holes is akin to swimming naked among a shoal of box jellyfish (correct collective noun? Perhaps someone could Google that?). Those horse flies / green heads will get you and get you good. Unlike Midges, whose bite you don’t really feel until it flares up later, you can tell straight away when you’ve been assaulted. Because it hurts. At this time of year the mother flies are trying to source blood to feed their younglings, which is forgivable. I can understand their actions but I can’t agree with them. They should bite squirrels, who serve no real purpose in the world other than to store nuts for other squirrels, who in turn serve no real purpose – one of those circular things, you know.
Enough about the bugs and the squirrels. Galloway National is a belter. They played a qualifier for the US Open here a few months back, the results of which will tell a story. Best score was 73 (it’s a par 71); average score was 84; and worst score was 96. That’s from a field of sub-2 handicappers. So it’s hard. On the little par 3 pictured below (about a wedge), guys were taking 9s and 11s...
Mr. Fazio has cut two quite different nines here out of the marshland. The front is marshier, and thus more lethal on the killer insect front. The back (which I preferred, and which like a fine wine got better and better) is very Pine Valley-esque, with plentiful undulation and bunkering.
Jack stroked it around all 18 like a seasoned pro. Having played a fair bit of College and Amateur golf (including a US Amateur or two), the boy can play. He may have hit 14 or 15 greens in regulation, from the tips, so he certainly knew what he was doing. Mike also played some good golf, not least along the final stretch which yielded a couple of birdies. The combination of the green heads & the humidity proved too much for my modest tolerance, so I resorted to merry hacking and just enjoyed Jack’s chat.
I’d love to come back and play Galloway in less trying conditions, when it’s a little cooler and You Know Who keep to themselves in Their Marsh. Because it’s not a brute – somewhat unlike a few other Fazio layouts we’ve played – you can maneuver the ball around with 2 irons from the tee and still comfortably reach greens in reg. You just gotta be straight.
The air conditioning and impenetrable walls of the clubhouse provided ample protection from the elements. In the bar we ran into a mate of Jack’s, a vivacious chap by the name of Larry Brown, who’s a litigator in Philly. Bags of personality and full of stories – like one of those Hollywood bigwigs. The four of us told lies for a good hour or two, despite Larry’s constant protestations that he should get home to his wife. Heard that one before.
Then came a weary drive back to Base Camp Slambino up Highway 9. We got lost in a town that seemed to be populated exclusively with orthodox Jews – maybe it was just the time of day we were driving through, but they were out in force walking the streets looking smart in full garb. We could have been in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney or in The Holy City itself. Quite a sight.
John’s got a stack of impressive golf books in his house, which are now sprawled across the kitchen table for light reading between More Important Things. Flicking the pages of one I came upon a bold quote that resonated with my sympathies. It goes something like this:
“Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men’s blood.”
Inciteful (and insightful) words indeed. (Daniel Burnham, a noted Chicago architect).
JP
Dodgy had a guest rider today – a guest by the name of John Sabino who is hosting us at his place and his club of Hidden Creek today. We met John and his pals Chris and Tom on the course in Melbourne Australia and have kept in touch throughout the year. Tom was the guy who loved his ’Booags beers’.
Dodgy was happy to have another team member along for the ride, so happy that upon turning onto the Turnpike he signaled his glee by jerking the windscreen wipers up into the vertical position. And there they have rested since… By the way Dodgy is for sale on Craigslist and we need a buyer so if you’ve ever thought about taking a road trip across the US you know who to call. I know we’re going to be sad to see him go..
John Sabino has what you’d call a deliberate take away. And whilst this episode is occurring on each shot his shoes have a habit of letting out an almighty squeak reminiscent of a mouse caught in a trap with cheese stuck in its gullet. Jamie, his playing partner, kindly pointed out these sound effects on the second hole and from this point onwards we were all, including John, trying not to laugh each time his shoes started squaking.
Hidden Creek is a course that not too many folk have heard about. It’s a pretty private joint down in the south part of New Jersey set up by the owner who wanted to replicate the pure golf set up at Pine Valley. So there are no developments, no bells and whistles (eg definitely no cart girls with skimpy skirts) and just a golf course, clubhouse, dining room and a lodge for golfers to stay at.
When you’re going to create a golf haven for the purists like this one you need to engage some good designers to build a quality course. And so Messers Coore and Crenshaw were shipped in to build this treasure. This is our second course designed by these two chaps (first being Sugarloaf Mountain) and the two courses definitely have a similar flavour. I’ve taken some time to look at a couple others designed by these chaps – Sand Hills in Nebraska - which is a hugeley revered inland links course in the middle of nowhere, and Friars Head up in Long Island which we might play next week. Some characteristics of Coore and Crenshaw courses are:
- Generous fairways but you need to be in the right part of the fairway to have a decent shot into the green. Similar to Mackenzie. Take for example the short par four 8th. The green has a huge lump in the green. The pin was to the left of the lump and thus coming in from the right hand side of the fairway was nigh on impossible.
- A firm and natural feel. The course hasn’t been soaked in water and if you’re hitting a draw expect the ball to bound to the left. The fairways play hard and you don’t quite know where the ball is going to bounce. As said by former USGA president William C Campbell, ‘bad bounces and bad breaks do happen in golf and life, and you don’t always get what you deserve.’ But with the course playing firm like this you can cling to the possibility that, from a bad spot, you might make a good recovery by rolling the ball up to the green.
- The greens are huge and you need to think about where on (or off) the green you want to be approaching the hole from. Many of the greens have a number of sections and there may be a three or four club difference between hitting to the front or the back of the green.
- Trouble that compounds. If you hit a good drive you will often have a straight forward iron shot into a large green. But if you start going awry there are all kinds of hazards that, if you don’t play smart, will compound to really bite you. For example there are numerous cross bunkers between 100 – 30 yards short of par four green.
Our match was a tad one sided with Slambino making full use of his 10 shots to win a number of holes. Chris has just got some new irons and has a case of ‘the-new-clubs-wont-bloody-work’. I had a case of '4 putt from 15 feet' Ugly. Seen it before and I have no idea how to diagnose it. The nickname Slambino? It comes from this video:
After golf we were fortunate enough to stay in the lodge. Which was First Rate. We chilled out, showered up and then went back to the restaurant for another First Rate dinner. We drank some wine, shared golfing stories and bantered generally all night. A couple of cigars and some strange formats of New Jersey Poker later and it was time to call it a day. A mighty fine day at that so huge thank you to the lads in particular John for hosting us down here. Slambino is off to Scotland tomorrow for a wee golfing trip, look forward to hearing all about it later in the week. 2 weeks till we’re there and the excitement is building!
Below is a Guest Blog by my partner, the best 14 handicapper this side of Jupiter, Rich Oelkers. As you'll see from Rich's notes, we had a day to remember.
___________________________________________
Michael and Jamie were meeting my son and me this morning at 8 pm. My son, Ryan Oelkers is the member and I am thrilled to be playing with him and especially the “boys” from New Zeeland. I have been following their blogs for the past 2 weeks after Ryan alerted me to their “magical mystery golf tour” around the world. I really didn’t know what to expect. Were they hackers or serious golfers? Are they travel bums or were they just the two greatest golf enthusiasts in America today.
After driving in past the Baltusrol gates, dropping off my clubs at the bag drop, I went to the parking lot to try to find Ryan and the 2 kids from the Land of Kiwi. It did not take a great deal of searching since the parking lot was full of European sedans, American sport cars, and a few high end SUV’s. Standing out by itself, was an old, brown, Dodge Van with California plates and two very lean, handsome young guys unpacking their clubs and my equally handsome son who parked in the adjacent spot. After a few introductions, we went to the clubhouse, changed, ate a quick breakfast, and proceeded to the practice area to loosen up. I was impressed form the get-go on the fluidity of both Michael and Jamie’s golf swings. (Oh what I wouldn’t give to have a young back!) After 10 minutes on the range, we walked to the area near the 1st tee. Jamie was very impressed by the Rolex Clock in the staging area and said that any golf course with a Rolex clock has to be very important and equally impressive.
Ryan gave the lads a short history of Baltusrol. The club was founded in 1895. It has two Championship courses… lower and the upper. The courses were designed by A.W. Tillinghast and together the courses have hosted 16 national championships including 7 US opens and 1 PGA Championship. Legends who have left their historic marks on Baltusrols fairways are jack Nicklaus, Bobby Jones, Arnold Palmer, Tiger woods, Phil Mickelson, lee Jansen, Payne Stewart, John Daly, and now Jamie Patton and Michael ??????.
Anyway, our tee time of 8:50 came and I humbly went to the first tee. After checking my index against the handicap conversion chart, I determined that I was in for a long day with these three youngsters. I asked which tees they wanted to play. “Green… 6385 yards…or Blue 6652 yards. I was shocked when Michael said they wanted to play back. “Oh, I asked. You want to play 7015 yards? (Since that was the back tees on the scorecard) “No”, Michel replied. We play all the courses from the tips.” I didn’t even know there was yet another sets of tees. But there they were; hiding back by the boxwoods in a shady area that had NO divots on the teeing area and no scorecards telling you that the slope was 147 and the course rating was 76. The Championships tees play 7400 yards and you have to go into the pro shop to find a card for the handicaps and yardage. I really felt small and agreed to give it a try. Why not? Why can’t a 65 year old 10.9 handicap index player keep up with two 25 year old lads who have played for 176 days straight? I suddenly realize I was daft, outmatched, outgunned and certainly crazy.
We threw the balls in the air and chose partners. Ryan paired with Michael and I got Jamie. We went one up on Baltusrol’s signature 4th hole. Jamie hit a 5 iron 205 yards to within 6 inches on this challenging 3 par hole. It was quite a shot and Jamie posed for an incredible picture doing his Birdie dance. We got to 2 up on the 482 yard 6th hole, par 4.
Ryan and Michael fought back with stunning long shots and tied the match on the 15th hole. Somehow, we all halved the 17th hole which is a monster at 647 yards, even for a 5 par. (John Daly is the only golfer to have ever gotten on this green in two. He hit driver and one iron.) The match was going to the 18th with Jamie and I in the comfortable position of being dormy 1 up. This is such a storied hole. This par 5 plays 553 yards, crosses a relatively large stream and rises in elevation to a very well protected slick green. It is the hole that Jack Nicklaus won the 1967 US Open by hitting his one iron 247yards to the hole. Anyway, I made par to win with my incredible partner Jamie.
Playing the game of golf is such a privilege. Its rules have endured for a century. The handicap system is ingenious, making pairings fair when abilities are so different. It is a game where honor is more important than the competitiveness of the moment. I feel very honored to have been able to share this day with the two greatest golf “nuts” that I have ever met, and my son Ryan who helps to keep me thinking young. Thanks Ryan for setting up this match and making contact with Michael and Jamie.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.
Rich Oelkers
There are words, and proper nouns in particular, that are a pleasure to verbalise. They roll off your tongue, and even draw a smirk. Metedeconk (prounced “meh-Tee-da-conk”) – the name of today’s stop – falls this category. The club also falls in a category, among very good golf clubs, of excellence. We loved it; and are surprised at how low a profile it keeps given its pedigree. If I was a betting man I’d say it’ll hold a major tournament in the coming decade or two. Aside from having a solid 27 holes (granted, only 18 of which we played), it has very good facilities and a world class practice ground.
Mike’s putting together a wee video of our day there – in large part because the place was so photogenic and we took so many dam photos – but I decided a few accompanying words were more than justified.
Scott Kirkwood (of Muirfield / Gullane pedigree) is the Pro at Metedeconk, and was our kind host on the day. A charming man (although a Rangers supporter...). His Uncle David is a well known character in the world of hickory shafted golf, and keeps a shop in East Lothian that we’ll make a point of visiting in a few weeks’ time. Scott and his colleagues made us feel very welcome, and even allowed us into the members’ bar to watch New Zealand draw with Paraguay (a simultaneously triumphant and heart breaking result, ruling Us out of the next round). On occasions this year we’ve found our reception to be (marginally) less all embracing at private clubs when we haven’t been accompanied by a member. I make that as a fine point because really we have been welcomed with open arms everywhere. Anyway today we were guests of the club rather than a particular member, but found the hospitality to be as warm as anywhere we’ve been. A humbling experience.
Stevie a wee 16 year old kid from Jersey was our caddy. He’s a baseball player, not a golfer, but he’s spending his 2nd summer out here making a few bucks while his schoolmates are flipping burgers at McDonalds for minimum wage. He’ll go far. He’s also hanging out with a bunch of old guys that might give him a job in a few years when he gets spat out of adolescence. We enjoyed his youthful enthusiasm and couldn’t help but laugh when we saw him tearing down the fairways each hole before we teed off. Like Moses Kiptanui or Gabriel Salassi. Stevie would just disappear when we walked off the green; and re-appear 250 yards away. Brilliant.
The course itself is fantastic. Of the three 9s, we played #1 and #2. For tournaments they play #1 and #3. Had a storm not rolled in; and had we not had a traumatically sweaty sleep last night in Dodgy in the Caves Valley car park – we would’ve played 27. Because it was just awesome. Hard but fair. It’s a Robert Trent Jones Senior design, and rewards accuracy over length. Even from the tips we could’ve got away with hitting 2 iron off most tees, save for one or two genuinely long holes. The key really is to keep it on the (quite immaculate) carpet, because the rough is proper rough. As with yesterday, it’s Member Guest week, so the course was in Tip Top Shape. Fairly stiff breeze added another dimension, making for a stern test of golf indeed.
On some of the tees you stand there and can acutely feel your adams apple panicking in your throat. A sea of fescue and pine and sand – and not much bent grass, visibly at least. I haven’t been to Pine Valley yet (this Wednesday!) but I guess it must look pretty similar. Because they have 800 acres of land here, you don’t tend to see other holes often. Personally I don’t regard this feature as an intrinsically good one – in the sense that it makes the golf course a well designed one – but it does make for a serene atmosphere. Therapeutic, almost. Were it less humid we would’ve walked.
Check out Mike’s video later today: the images will really tell you most of what you need to know. A pure place.
JP
The title for this blog is a little unorthodox, as you may have noticed. But the pearl of wisdom handed down to me by our good host Doug Lane was just too good not to dwell upon. Most people – in fact everyone I know – peel a banana from the top, by tearing at the stalky bit. That however is not how the experts (monkeys) do it. Nope. They pinch the little bulbous part at the bottom, allowing the skin to split open perfectly. After millennia of peeling bananas for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I’m sure they know what they’re doing. Doug certainly does, and now so do I. Please indulge me and try it next time.
Anyway. From Today’s Lesson to a veritable feast of luxury and fine golf at Caves Valley, near Baltimore. The club has an interesting genesis, which is worth sharing. (Doug will have to pardon me if any of the details have been lost or mutated in translation). Some years ago a group of businessmen in the Baltimore area wanted a place where they could come out to to do business (from memory it wasn’t so easy getting into Baltimore Country Club). So they pulled their money; bought 800 acres of prime land 20 minutes out of town; and brought a certain Tom Fazio in to build them a course they could be proud of. The clubhouse is an old family mansion – which is quite something, but I’ll get to that soon – and the pro shop the old out house. Very stately stuff.
This would be one of the more expensive places to join. Indeed to get an invitation to join you need to be an active member of the local business community and, well, be able to afford it. I guess some guys get their company to foot the bill, but often that would be a misnomer as these type of guys oftentimes own their companies anyway! You get the picture. At one stage the initiation fee was $120,000 (which at least got you equity at the time, although I understand a lesser fee is no paid for no equity) - no drop in the ocean no sir. Talking about money however is unseemly though so I’ll move swiftly on.
Doug Lane was our generous host for the day, and what a fine example of a human he is too. I hope he won’t mind me sharing a few discreet details of his Good Self – Doug, if you do, let me know quickly and I’ll pull this down! Born into a working class family of Quite A Few, he wasn’t your archetypal born-to-be-a-member-of-a-top-private-club kinda kid. But he worked his posterior off and continues to do so. Doug went to night school to get his college degree and is now in the more enviable position of being able to pay for his 3 kids to go through good schools – something he rightly takes great satisfaction in being able to do. Another interesting note on Doug: he is or was a whippit. Ran a 1 minute 56 seconds half mile. And a 30 minutes 30 seconds 10,000 metres. Anyway that’s Doug in a very small nutshell – a kinder human you couldn’t meet; and an interesting guy to have dinner with.
Our instructions were to turn up well in advance of our 12.40 tee time to meet Doug for a quick bite. After the pleasantries we were shown to the dining room, at which point I nearly died. Having not had breakfast I was famished, and the sight of the Caves Valley buffet spread was almost enough to draw a tear. Goodness gracious it was good. I remember sitting there like Oliver Twist trying to hold a proper conversation with Doug while at the same time trying not to choke on my feast. I inhaled it.
The heat outside was quite merciless, as it has been for some weeks now. Near suffocating in fact. Nothing a good walk wouldn’t fix though. That’s something I particularly liked about Caves – it’s walking only, and you’ve got to take a caddie. No carts unless you’re over a hundred or have one functioning limb. My caddie, Adam, was great – a young guy (I say young but he was probably a few years older than me) about to embark on a legal career after sitting the Maryland Bar Exam in a few weeks. Poor sod. No I don’t mean that. Just finished college with a law degree and an MBA, which he did concurrently – so no slouch. If he reads in law as well as he reads greens he’ll have quite a career. Saved me a shot or two, for sure. (The other caddie Serg was quality also – and did quite possibly the best Scottish accent impression I’ve ever heard, notwithstanding that he’s never been there and doesn’t have any Scottish friends or relatives!).
Caves is a very fine track indeed. It really gets better as you progress through the round, and could perhaps do with a few renovations to the opening stretch (which I found a little straightforward, at least relative to the rest of the layout). Holes like 9 were just awesome. In fact 9 thru 11 form in my humble opinion the best stretch on the track. On 9 you better have your game face on. A long par 4 tracking up to the right, with a narrow stream (befitting of the description as a “burn”) flowing across the front of the fairway and all the way up the right. The green is two tiered and guarded militantly. Definitely one of the better holes I remember playing in recent times.
10’s a goodie too; this time a risk reward short par 4, where it’s really all about the tee shot. Hit a driver if you like, but you better get hold of it or risk having a downhill lie for your 60 yard pitch to a plateau green on steroids. It’s at this point in the round that I turned to tobacco for solace. Doug offered me a big stogie and having not had one for quite some time I couldn’t refuse. Seemed befitting of the occasion, you know. So I sparked up this brown thing the length of my arm, and wandered down the fairway between gargantuan oaks, breathing it all in. Quite a sensation, believe me.
11 is intimidating and beautiful and tough and just one of those holes that you like playing. Raised tee shot plays to a dogleg right fairway, up to a severely raised green. If you crush driver (from the tips) you can hit something like 7 or 8 iron in; but if you have anything more than that in your hand then it’s dam near impossible to bring the ball high enough to stop it (notwithstanding the backstop at the back of the green). A hair raising hole, and one any sane golfer should be pleased with par on.
I must mention the conditioning. In a word, sublime. Thankfully we played on the day prior to The Member Guest event, which was a nice coincidence, the course as a result being prepared to its brilliant best. Fastest greens all year, without a doubt. Even faster than The CC of Virginia a few days back, which were scary enough. Fairways were carpet like, and everything was just as it should be. A privilege to experience, really.
The Match came down the 18th, as it has had a tendency to do of late. After Mike hit a missile of a short iron into the green – which like 18 at Olympic has bags of atmosphere – to 6 feet (then missed), I had 5 feet down the hill for par after getting into the front bunker. That putt would’ve halved the hole and won the match by 1, but I bottled it and honours were even. Michael and his playing partner (a gigantic ex-basketball player who goes by the name of Shane) took Doug and my money though by virtue of some funny system these chaps have with “greenies” (closest to the pin on a par 3) and “dots” (par out of a bunker) and other strange creatures. One was particularly memorable, although I don’t think any of us got one. It’s called an Esther [something], who was a famous female swimmer in the 50s. And it’s awarded when you make a par after having one ball in the water!
Somewhat exhausted after our ordeal we sat outside the clubhouse on the lawn, at what must be The Nicest Spot Ever. Big old mansion; big old oak tree; wide open vistas over the practice range and the valley below. A few tables; a few rocking chairs; and 4 guys having a drink and a cigar after a Great Day. Couldn’t ask for better.
After we got cleaned up Doug then kindly took us to dinner in the dining room, which is a very decadent affair indeed. Tried softshell crab for the first time – not bad at all. If you’re ever lucky enough to get an invitation to Caves, and your host offers to take you to dinner, take him up on it; quite something. Between bites we covered ‘most everything from history to politics to a comparative study of life in new Zealand. A very stimulating evening.
On our way out Doug surprised us again with a very thoughtful gift pack he’d had the pro put together. I’ll be wearing my Caves Valley shirt tomorrow with pride, and each time it comes out of the kit bag this year I’ll think back to Day 174 with nostalgia. And I’ll remember how to peel a banana like the experts do.
Thanks Doug and Shane for a great day.
JP
Shinnecock
auckland dodgy donald ross links mackenzie melbourne mornington mornington peninsula new york queensland rain royal sandbelt scotland sunshine coast sydney the first tee tpc us open wow
